Big Girls Don't Cry

There have been some long days at the church charity. Our hours are 10 am to 2 pm and somehow it is a stretch for me to be there by 10, lol.  We can make it to the rec by 8:30 but struggling into an office is a whole different ball game. 

For the past several weeks mornings have been very slow.  There might be a call on the answering machine, I usually sit alone for at least two hours. 

Around 1:30 I start to get panicked calls. Three weeks ago it was someone whose water was just shut off. Our city water department has printed on our bills that the bill is overdue and subject to shut off when the new bill is received.  I am sure it is mentioned somewhere on your online bill.  This person's bill was 3-4 months overdue. They had to know they weren't paying it.  So big fat sigh. I did say, in my nasty voice, that you need to reach out for help before bills are shut off so that you do not incur reconnect fees.  

But there are children in the home. And I have a real problem with children who cannot flush a toilet or brush their teeth or wash their face before school.  So I took the application over the phone (she claimed to be positive for influenza and I wasn't going to argue) called the city to get the actual amount to be paid, I texted board members to get permission to pledge the amount, I called the city back to pledge the money and they were very helpful and actually turned it back on that afternoon. And all this meant I worked about 45 minutes over. 

I was to the point I was thinking we should change our hours but realized people would still wait until the last moment.

About a week and a half ago I had a voicemail from a woman enquiring about rental assistance. I called back and left a message with our hours.  She did not return the call until  about 1:30 pm. She explained she was at work and that she had fled a domestic violence situation with her children. I stopped her and told her I would wait until she could get to the office. She called me on the way with an update and I assured her I would wait for her. 

She has two children, a daughter for whom she gets $80 a month in support and a two year old daughter whose father she left due to violence. To try to stop her from leaving, he took the car seat to work with him every day. Somehow she found transportation and traveled to our state, where her father lives, at the end of January.  Unfortunately dad is very ill and in the hospital. She has been couch surfing with co-workers.  

It isn't my first rodeo. She needed a security deposit and first months rent so I sent her to a second church. And researched her social media. She arrived in January, has been working at a factory with her friend since she arrived. She did post on facebook asking for clothes for the girls and then asking for a toddler bed and mattress. She and the older daughter sleep on the couch.  

She is rough.  Old tattoo, not well-done. Looks much older than her actual age. But she is really really trying.  When they were leaving for the other church, the older daughter who is about 10 asked a question and I understood what she was asking. When mom told her they were going to ask a church for the money to get a home, she thought I would give them the money immediately and she would have home by bedtime.  It broke my heart. 

Of course I cried all the way home.  The money needed is more than we would normally do. My thought was the other church would be willing to pay half of the deposit if we paid the other half but I knew the landlord would not allow her to move in without all of it and would probably not hold the apartment.  

She had called the office Monday morning before the board meeting and talked to a fellow member. The other church felt as strongly as I did and gave a larger amount. And an out of town church that someone she works with belongs to gave enough to add to it and cover the deposit. And my board was willing to cover the first month's rent, about double what we would normally do for a client. 

I was still struggling all week.  My heart goes out to these little girls.  I got up this morning and went shopping.  At my first stop I picked up every kitchen utensil I could find including a set of silverware.  I went on to the next store and picked up plastic tableware for the girls, a crock pot, a set of pots and pans and some towel sets.  I raided my gift stash and found five dish towels and a fist full of potholders.  I had an extra canvas hamper where I stuffed them along with a pink and purple quilt and shams from my closet. I had just weeded our children's games and stuffed those in too.  I picked up baking pans somewhere - metal ones.  I filled my trunk. 

Then I texted her to see where we could meet. Because I am not totally crazy.  I went home and told my husband what I had done and he said, let me get my keys. (And this is another reason I love him, no questions asked).  We drove to her town and met her and the girls in a grocery store parking lot.  

She was very grateful. She still need beds especially and furniture. I talked to my neighbor and she has a glider rocker.  My eye surgery is coming up and she is moving in on the 1st so I will text her on Friday and see where she stands. 

I'm still teary eyed.  I want my little friend to have a home and a bed.  

I try not to get involved. But I feel so blessed and lucky. I do not want.  I feel like I have so much.  And I just want them to work this all out.  

See. I am not always the cranky mean girl that lectures our clients.  Just sometimes. 

Memory Monday

 Planning ahead. 

This is a photo from our 40th Wedding Anniversary, taken in the backyard of our younger son's home by his next door neighbor. 

She is now our family's official photographer. She is very popular, especially with her newborn and child portraits. 

ANYWAY she occasionally does what she calls mini sessions for a reduced price and I scored one of the slots for spring photos at an arboretum.  I am planning a 50th Anniversary photo shoot.  We were married in the fall but we had fall photos last time and I can't wait for beautiful floral backgrounds to help us look better, lol.

I was scrolling and found a great sale at Macy's - tuxedos for $99.  Does my husband need a tux? Of course not.  Does he want a tux? Of course not. Does it even resemble the white tux he wore for our wedding? Nope - just a normal black tux.  

My youngest granddaughter and my wedding dress when I lent it to a display of antique wedding dresses.  I was the end of the line - 1970's.

I ordered two formal dresses for me since I would have to get to 99 pounds to wear my wedding dress.  Yes, one is white and that is probably the one I will wear because it has some stretch.  

My husband's family at our wedding.  I have also scheduled family pictures in late summer but organizing my five children, four significant others at this point, ten grandchildren, a step granddaughter with a significant other and my husband is challenging.  We ended up with a Sunday morning at sunrise and very casual clothes.  And now one might leave for basic training or college or something and others are hedging.  I have decided we are not going to photoshop and I am waiting until closer to the date and ordering those large heads on sticks for people who cannot attend.  

And this is why I would like to get one nice photo of my husband and me. 

No Kings

Since the last time I attended a protest (MLK weekend) when I ended up in the hospital, Mr Merry decided to accompany me on Saturday. 

Why does he always look handsome and I look homeless?  My head is not made for stocking caps. You would think I would learn.

We actually went down the road 12 miles to the town where my husband graduated high school. They are very red and there were lots of nasty comments on facebook leading up to Saturday. We wanted to be supportive. 

Our friends Rodney (a Viet Nam vet) and Linda. Mr Merry and Rodney both retired from the railroad. And several other railroad retirees joined the line so it was old home week for them! 

This is a great photo of Rodney's flag with our feet underneath and my speaker in the back. We stand at the end because I play 1960's protest songs and don't want to blast people. My speaker plays at the legal level for speakers.  

This is the truck that parked across the street from us and put an air horn on automatic out their window, aimed at us.  This is illegal. We had notified the police department and gotten our permit. The officer was parked around the corner covertly watching us behave. Note, always check your surroundings! 

Someone had taken a photo of us earlier in the afternoon. We had an unofficial headcount of 47 people with 3 counter protesters wearing ironic shirts that said Freedom Protector.  We had lots of support from passing motorists and passersby and the counter protestors were disappointed that they were perceived as part of our group.  Our group was the smallest turnout in all the villages in our county, but hopefully others in the community now know it is safe to join us next time. 

As a reward, we drove another 12 miles to a drive-in for a late lunch. 

And for late supper we drove the other direction for ice cream. The owner was training two new fifteen year old employees and it was interesting and cute. I will say the owner has more patience than I ever imagined.

They did a pretty good job. I am positive this is the first banana split that my employee ever made. I know my cardiologist is thrilled with my diet day.

I ordered new sunglasses for Mr Merry online.  Always chancy, these glasses are perfect with progressive lenses. 

This pair is not his prescription and are not bifocals.  I am attempting an online return. Wish me luck. 

I am having my second, right eye cataract surgery on Tuesday.  I am really looking forward to having matching vision.  My family and especially Mr Merry are not adjusting to Miss Merry without glasses.  I ordered a pair with clear lens and Mr Merry thinks those look funny, too. That is the pair in the top photo.  I have decided maybe I just look funny?

All of our school-aged grandchildren are having spring break during different weeks.  If I get a minute I will share some adventures but I am not sure that is going to happen!  Busy, busy.  I also have a church charity story I want to share.  

Memory Monday

Memory Monday

Easter 1966 with 

my brothers and mother. 

Easter 1984 with my four oldest children and a collection of 

cabbage patch dolls and care bears. 

Baby Brother was born nine months later. 

What do I do with my time?

TJ Max  I did not purchase anything

You may have noticed I keep vanishing. I thought I owed you all an explanation. Mostly I have been lunching, lol. And walking.  I had good intentions this fall and was putting together Christmas gift bags for different groups of friends that I lunch with. I was collecting items and had the bag, I was using lace doilies to line them.  Then I got sick and tired and was too tired to continue. And I just kept cancelling out on invitations and  people and not making doctor appointments. And the bags and items just sat on my dining room table.  

Dishtowels labeled "Age 3 and Up"

Now that I am drugged on cardiac medication, I have rejoined the real world.  

Can you believe I did not purchase these either?

Thursday I went to lunch with my high school friends at the same place that held my latest tea party. They were surprised we were still celebrating Christmas. 

I did not purchase this teapot. 

I should mention I traded my Thursday at Church for Wednesday so I could join them and my last client arrived one minute before we closed so I got to work an extra hour. 

I dd not purchase this coffee pot. 

Friday I was up bright and early so I could go on a Trader Joe trip with my stained glass classmates (our last class was in February of 2020).  They were also surprised to find we were celebrating Christmas. 

Trader Joe's.  I did buy tulips. 

I was home by 11 am so I could go out of town and out to lunch with my daughter. We stopped by Red Lobster. Gosh, those biscuits which are not on my low sodium diet just melt in your mouth. 

Saturday I joined my retired work friends from the library at a pizza restaurant where I ordered chicken gumbo soup.  I know that makes no sense. 

I did not purchase these dishes. 

Monday I am piling in a car with neighbor friends and we are headed to a brunch restaurant. My church board meeting is in the afternoon and my crime podcast club meets in the evening.   

I did not purchase these fabulous faux baked goods.

This is what I dreamed of when I retired. Unfortunately the highlights of the rest of the month are doctor appointments ending with my final cataract surgery on the 31st.  

I did not purchase this adorable set of plates. 

The other thing I do with my time is walk. Almost every day my prison warden track couch asks me if I want to go walk.  I say no.  We go to the indoor track anyway. I am mostly up to 2 miles but not consecutively. We do miss somedays because I am so busy lunching. We walk very very slowly and have to plan around school buses schedules and childcare. And we get tired in the evenings. But we are trying to be consistent and it does take a lot of time.  

I hope you enjoyed the results of my non-shopping trip.  I am being firm with myself about bringing more into this house, especially since Easter dinner has been moved to my youngest daughter's home and we use paper plates. Not that I have parted with my existing Easter dishware, but I am not bringing home more. 

Walking Tall

I am not tall. I am very short. I just couldn't think of a title for this post. 

First I want to clarify that, although my daughter took 2 or 3 items from one of many many cupboards, she left about 100 behind. None of my children are truly interested in my stuff. And despite my intentions, I have closed the door and am trying to ignore all the stuff.

And I guess I am starting with some days in the life. 

Yesterday I met friends for lunch (fried food with salt) and ended up spending four and a half hours in the restaurant. Then I went to my crime podcast club and never made dinner until 8:30 pm. My grandkids arrived for breakfast and the bus with their mom who is on spring break. She hung around for coffee until a hair appointment. I decided it was too late to go walk since we were going out to lunch after her appointment.  I stepped out on the back porch to get something out of the freezer for dinner and - my area of the country was hit with a giant 7 ton meteorite.  Didn't see that one coming! 

My wooden porch floor shook and it sounded like a train crash or some kind of loud metal thunder.  Everyone in the northern part of our state thought it happened in their back yard.  The 30 mile radius of pieces from the exploded meteor are about about 35 miles away from my town.  Everyone started texting each other and that kept me busy until we went to lunch. 

We sat by the window and watched it snow which reminded me that I did not walk the streets and look at Christmas windows last year. Maybe I can do it in 2026.  Then we went to the grocery store and returned home to wait for the bus.  My son in-law didn't pick up the kids until a quarter to five and I decided I was too tired to go walk and would just make supper. 

Then a friend messaged me on facebook. I will go backwards here. We became friends right after high school at our first real job. A small factory in town hired a whole group of recent young women graduates to assemble little thermostats for appliances.  We all became fast friends, hosting bridal showers, attending weddings, hosting baby showers and tupperware parties.  I am still friends with several of the girls to this day. This is my friend Marilyn.  

Marilyn had the first baby and I had the second. We would meet for play dates and picnics with her son and daughter (we didn't have money to lunch at restaurants in those days).  Many of us had husbands that worked later at night and we would meet for potlucks.  

Marilyn's mother had died when she was young and her elderly father spoiled her terribly. She and her husband lived rent free in one of his houses and she would complain it was not as fancy as she wanted. She liked to spend money and have to borrow from her dad to pay credit cards, over due utility bills or whatever.  He was her safety net and never said no.  

I had more children and changed jobs. She had baby sitters and went out.  She eventually had an affair, they got divorced and she talked her dad into buying her another house.  Dad passed away and she inherited several properties. She ended up selling them off one by one and living on the proceeds instead of working. 

But we stayed friends even though we had very different lives, me at home, and later at work, with five children and a husband, and Marilyn fancy free in the 1980's, going line dancing at country bars, every other weekend girls trips, etc. 

Then the money ran out, she was in financial trouble in a tiny apartment. She gained lots of weight (I know, I should talk), couldn't afford her car, developed health issues and made them worse. 

For example - this was at least 20 years ago when she was in her late 40's - her daughter moved a few houses down from her.  She would not walk to her daughter's house, she would drive. Eventually she would not walk to the mailbox, she would drive. She quit shopping in stores, she would get deliveries.  We did not see each other often. 

But I stay friends.  About five years ago I blogged about helping a friend that was a hoarder. This was Marilyn. She liked to shop and hated to clean.  I cannot discuss the state of the apartment but there was a problem with the hot water tank and the landlord stepped inside.  He started eviction and I helped her find affordable senior housing and spent several days filling hundreds of trash bags to go to the dump. And cajoling my husband to put them in his truck and take them to the dump.  

She would refuse medical advice and change doctors. I know of at least one doctor who dropped her as a patient because she refused to take his advice about her diabetes.  

Anyway. She texted me this afternoon and shared a photograph of an Xray.  She had fallen in the apartment and severely fractured her shoulder on Valentines Day.  She has been in a nursing home in a neighboring village.  She wouldn't really answer questions about prognosis or healing or rehab.  I think she has landed in a place where everything is done for her and I bet she will never leave. She did share that her doctor would not preform surgery on the shoulder due to her high sugar numbers.  She is one month older than I am. 

We are 69, turning 70 later this year. I now feel that 70 is so much younger than I previously thought one or two or five decades ago.  You don't surrender at 70. 

And here is Miss Merry who spent days in the cardio unit in January who hasn't walked in two days and is planning on vegging out in the recliner tonight.  

I put on my big girl coat - because it is winter at the north pole this week - and drove across town with Mr Merry to the rec center and walked for two miles on the track. Because I am not going to surrender.  

Memory Monday

I was totally lost for a post until my daughter called me last night. She had seen some displays at Hobby Lobby and decided she needed some new decor in her living room. She had looked at a cardboard fake old book (for $15) and remembered her mom has lots of very very old books. 

I had already given my daughter in-law some of my old books a while back. I am sure you decorators know the cool kids have piles of old books on tables.  The books I had left were inscribed inside with my parents and grandparents names. I hesitated one minute and remembered that my plan is to empty the house now so my kids don't have to deal with all this stuff. And I guess I am starting one book at a time. 

She took all the books I had pulled and asked what else I might have.  I gave her one of my collection of over 100 Longaberger baskets (99 to go) and we opened one cabinet door. 

I found an hour glass that I remember on my grandfather's desk that is at least a hundred years old. There were lots of things I can't let go of yet but her husband spotted an object and did some quick research. It was a timer and lockset for a bank vault from the late 1800's, early 1900's.  I am guessing my grandfather, the jeweler/watchmaker, changed the locks for the bank and kept it as we are a family of "keepers". I did not take a photo of the bank lock. 

I really need to start sorting and giving up.  I am the only family member living in the same town and the same state and every object from everyone's house in the past is in my house somewhere.  I have an unhealthy attachment to inanimate objects and have attached way too many memories to everything.  One step at a time. 

A Day in the Life.

Since the posts are few and far between I thought I would do a "day in the life" to show you how I can fritter away a day with a bunch of nothingness.   

Mr Merry gets up at some ungodly hour like 4 am.  I have to be up by 6:45 when the munchkins come for breakfast before the bus.  I take orders (because I am a diner) and we have to be fed and pottied by 7:50 in order to get to the bus stop. * today we got an email, bus time is changing to 7:38 a.m.

At 8 am Mr Merry comes in (I am still in pjs because I am not a morning person) and I make him breakfast with farm fresh eggs while I eat a yogurt.  Then I get dressed and we drive 15 minutes to the indoor track.  We tried to walk on sidewalks but I tripped on a crack and then one house has their sidewalk covered in dog poo. At the end of our street, Main St, they have jackhammered out the sidewalks for the summer as we are starting a big road replacement project where they are removing the old trolley tracks from the 1900's and going all the way down with a new base and widening the street so moving every water, sewer and gas line as well as telephone poles. The project ended at our street last year so we couldn't go west and this year we are continuing so we cannot go east. 

Once at the Rec, we change our shoes and walk. This photo is from the upper track as they were setting up for volleyball tournaments We are up to two miles.  Some days I do a mile, rest, then do .5 mile, rest and do .5 mile. Some days I do only .5 miles.  And I want to say Wednesday I did  .8, .2 , .5., .5.  Mr Merry is issues with his hip and his bursitis in his knee so he sits out random lamps.  Each lap is .1 miles.  I walk exceedingly slow and it takes us between 1.5 and 2 hours.  We usually have a errand and get home for lunch. 

Three days last week we had doctor appointments in the morning, check up on the left cataract surgery (scheduled the right for the 31st), a check up on Mr Merry with a specialist, and then an appointment to get our taxes done. So that was 3 out of 5 days. And two days we had a two hour fog delay - visibility was so bad I could not see the street from my house. 

View from my daughter's classroom after she got to school. 

When we have appointments we either have a very late lunch or go in the early afternoon since we have to be home to catch the bus. 

The bus comes at 3:40 pm and we do an afterschool snack and hear about their day.  I start supper and the kids get picked up between 4:30 and 5:30.  And then I am tired so after supper I accomplish nothing.  

After school he is building a motel for his stuffed cow. 

I did make three Shutterfly books this week for the sale price which somehow was over $100 even with the sale and coupons. They have changed the process again and I am not happy.  My friend uses a different service and I think I will ask her again which one it is.  The fact that I am seeing distance only with one eye was probably a factor, but I am still not happy with changes. 

I also did laundry which seems like a big deal for no reason and we have been fighting spring ants in the kitchen which means I am scouring the kitchen and cursing a lot.  On Friday we also took a trip to the egg farm. 

I reorganized what I call the spare room and other family calls the junk room and still haven't found my missing hats. 

Last Sunday we went to the school production of Mary Poppins which was very good but lasted over 3 hours which I found excessive.  My granddaughter and her friend are too old to pose for photos. My newest co-gramma showed me the hidden elevator to the balcony. 

We then went to Bob Evans where he is dipping his french fries into the caramel syrup for his apple slices. I should mention we had an outstanding server and as someone who waitressed in high school, I know.  I tipped her in cash about 50% of our bill.  

And I have been working on my to-go bag for the next time I ride in an ambulance. I am also calling it my insurance policy because if I am prepared, I will not ever need to call an ambulance. 

So far I have two sets of pjs with button fronts and a pocket for the heart monitor, a robe (I bought one for home use, too, I love it so much), dry shampoo, chapstick, hair brush, phone charger, manicure kit, some bath sponges so I can bath in bed without rinsing since I can't shower with IVs and my bag.  As soon as I looked at the photo I added a few pairs of nonslip socks.  Please add any further suggestions.  And I just thought of another item, underwear in case I have to wear a gown for a test. 

And that is how I have been marking time. 

I am frustrated with my primary who had his secretary read lung function test results word for word over the phone to me without any recommendations.  I am beyond happy with my cataract surgery and can't wait for matching eyes so I don't have to close one eye to watch tv and the other to read, and I see my cardiologist in a few weeks. His office is still working with my insurance to get me into cardio rehab.  Rehab stated I am still on the list (I guess the list of people waiting on insurance companies).  I think I am good with the walking but I would like the three sessions with the dietician. 

And, because daylight savings time is making me cranky, I will talk taxes.  Our accountant was telling us how many clients are mad because they thought they could get a deduction on interest on a new car purchase but most vehicles do not qualify (for example Equinox's which are an affordable choice in our area) because even though the parts are made locally, they are not assembled here.  They are also upset because the no-tax on overtime is actually no tax on the halftime in addition to your regular rate which is still taxed and if you work for the railroad, and they are the biggest employer around here, there was a special provision leaving railroad workers out of the overtime exemption.  I have not heard anyone saying they have saved money on the no taxes on tips.  I guess they are still taxed on tips that are paid by cards, but don't have to pay tax on cash tips which I thought most servers didn't report anyway?  

Whichever, whatever, it is not slowing the applications at my charity office.