Wednesday, May 25, 2022

Church and Graduates

My youngest son was baptized after mass on "Sign Up Sunday" for CCD classes at our old church. Our oldest of the five was a first grader and I did not get her signed up. When I arrived at the door of the classroom the next Sunday, I was told there was no room for her in the class. We drove home, I looked in the phone book under Catholic churches and called the first one whose name began with "A". The director and first grade teacher were at my house that afternoon with forms and activities she missed that morning. When I got a call on Monday from the first church to apologize for a misunderstanding, I had already switched our membership. 

The next Sunday she and I arrived for mass. Afterwards I was walking her to her classroom when I was stopped and told the church was having a breakfast to celebrate something. I confessed I had not brought any money and was told - there is no charge. Our parish is a little country church that does not have an attached school (anymore, kids my age actually attended the two classroom school back in the 60's before the diocese closed it). I knew we had landed in the right place, where God was more important than money. 

Two years later I was the first grade CCD teacher, a position I loved and enjoyed for 20 years. Year 21 I arrived at church on Sign Up Sunday with my crayons and the director, who can talk me into anything, sat in my pew and said she was moving me to the confirmation class. Yikes. I taught the now called PSR confirmation class for 8 years, retiring when my first grandchild moved to Ohio. About 5 years later I succumbed to begging and returned for another 4 years in the confirmation game. 

By then things were changing. Our churches became sisters and twins and were matched with different other churches along the way. We were no longer just a little country parish, we were lumped with larger churches who didn't like our ways. Everything became a "charge" or fundraiser.  I began to call our parish the red headed step child (does anyone say that anymore?) I do still sit on a board at a catholic church in town that we were sister/twined with maybe 15-20 years ago. They lost our parish but kept me, lol. 

Then came the elections in 2015. All the sudden the little country church became very political. I was uncomfortable with the name calling on Facebook. I was a nicer person then and quietly unfriended former church friends.  I sat by myself in the back of church and resigned from most church activities, including the ladies group where I had served as an officer for over 25 years. I still baked ridiculous amounts of pies for church functions and did grunt work when called by certain people, but I was not an active part of this community. 

Covid. As a church, many of the members felt this was a hoax and masks were an infringement of rights. They did begin sharing mass on Facebook so I have attended from my recliner for the past two years. I have been totally absent in activities. I have really struggled with this. 

Last week a church friend I respect contacted me. She and I used to do a lot of small breakfasts and dinners and projects behind the scenes. She wanted to revive a former activity we did where we invited our graduating seniors and their families to breakfast on a Sunday in May. Of course I said yes. We are a small parish and our first count was 2 graduates, parents, grandparents, priest and deacon for a total of ten. After they heard it was Mary and Maria (you know, we are catholic), the number grew to over 40. She and I do these things out of the love in our hearts, not for money or donations.  Here is what we came up with. (sorry some is eaten - even with a Jessica helping, we were busy!)











One of the things I have missed most is the fellowship. Well, first the kids, but second the fellowship. We had time before the breakfast for some long talks. Unfortunately I heard lots of hurt and sadness from others, too. I am not sure if there is just a meanness in the clergy or just general tactlessness where people in power don't realize how what they are saying is affecting people. As much as I was hurt by words and actions of other parishioners, the words and actions of church leaders toward others is much worse.  I will be sticking to the Facebook services for now and will be praying for people who are very hurt.  

12 comments:

  1. First of all, the beautiful meal that you and your friends provided for the graduates, family and friends was an act of love and service for others that is noticed and appreciated my dear friend.
    Second, the years of service that you have provided to the children of the parish is also noticed and appreciated by those children and their families.
    Thirdly and finally, I am SO SORRY for the hurtful words that were spoken by leadership to and about others. That has no place in the Lords church. People are not perfect and sometimes discipline does need to take place, (if that's what is was, obviously I don't know,) but it should never leave the leadership to be spoken about elsewhere.
    My husband was an elder in our church for over 35 years before we moved last year and he and the other leadership were very, very careful about this. I can honestly say that I don't think gossip about their leading happened. If so, I didn't hear about it.
    The Bible is clear that we're not to give up the fellowship with other believers. I really hope that you are able to find a parish or other church that you can feel comfortable attending so you can share your life with others. Covid sure didn't help things. We all have gotten so used to being in our own homes instead of with other people.
    Okay. Enough seriousness. :-) I mailed a small package to you today. It's not much but I hope you like it. Wishing you a wonderful Thursday my dear friend.
    Much love and blessings,
    Betsy

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh man I am soooo so sorry about that. I don't have a church I belong to but that doesn't mean I don't like them. Too many churches I've gone to seemed to care more about the almighty dollar than just providing good lessons to live by.

    My step daughter's church went the way of Covid Hoax and the pastor even told them who they should vote for which horrified me.
    I miss going to my Grandparents little country church in the summers where everyone had coffee and chatted after services.
    We could look out the windows at the dairy cows munching in the sunlight.
    Kids spilled out of church and played hide 'n go seek around the big oaks in the church yard.

    My grandchildren just moved to another church other than their folks church because they wanted to be around younger people and they love it.

    The world is changing. Here is wishing you had a place to go worship that was comfortable.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You did a really good thing using your talents to cook for a group, I hope it was appreciated! Covid had many lasting affects...so many people are so angry with anyone and everyone...sad to see. God's house should welcome everyone that comes through the door. We attend by computer...most Sundays I fast forward to the Sermon...as the Hymns are obscure Lutheran hymns:)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love the tags on the food...I am not sure where our country is headed because of the deep divisions splitting us apart. I used to be an optimist, but not so much anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I hear you.......I have watched Mass on face book since 2020 and still have not gone back in person....Before the Pandemic, I ran a lot of Fund Raisers but with working full time, it seemed like I had a second full time job. I was actually getting ill from the stress and the lack of time to get things done...I new priest came along and that was my opportunity to bow out..The new priest did not know me so that was my time when I decided to quite everything I was doing at the church....I felt much better after I did it...All the stress was gone...Now we have another new priest ( the third one since I bowed out of everything) and my son knows him as he works for the Diocese...I want to go back in person but now with the uptick in cases again...I just do not feel comfortable...So I too will continue watching on face book for the time being!! Thanks so much for always taking the time to stop by and to let me know that you did by leaving such kind comments!!
    I hope you have a great Memorial Day!!!
    Hugs,
    Deb

    ReplyDelete
  6. Separation of church and state really is important. Sadly, it no longer is really separated as it should be. It creates problems for many. I love the way you described your little church in the beginning. What a shame it changed, and blended with sister churches. What a lovely idea having the graduation breakfast. Something the families will remember and cherish, I think. The food looks amazing!! I will never understand why so many churches balked at the mask wearing or believing how real and deadly Covid was and continues to be. Churches were big spreaders of the virus. Those that cared for their people didn't hold in person gatherings, but many continued to gather and spread, and die. I don't know if we'll ever get back to what it was pre-Covid; but with kind people like you to keep true faith and love alive I have faith.
    Sandy's Space

    ReplyDelete
  7. Me again!! Thanks so much for stopping by all the time and for all your kind words!! Stay safe, healthy and happy!!
    Hugs,
    Deb

    ReplyDelete
  8. Me again!! Glad to hear that your grand daughter enjoyed seeing Nelson Crest all decked out in her Patriotic finery!! thanks again for stopping by and for your kind words!! I hope you have a great weekend!! Stay safe, healthy and happy!!
    Hugs,
    Debbie

    ReplyDelete
  9. Me again! Glad you like the "Tea Room" I created in my Dining Room...It was fun!! Loved your story about the chair covers...I actually thought I gave those chair covers away and discovered them by accident looking for something else but I am so glad that I did!! Thanks so much for all your visits and kind words!! Hope you had a great weekend!!
    Hugs,
    Deb

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh great, now I am hungry. The food is amazing. Love the names of the dishes.

    ReplyDelete
  11. We all understand that things move with the times but it is a sad state of affairs when manners, acts of kindness, respect and appreciation of others are left behind. You and your friend did a wonderful job providing that delicious meal to celebrate a special time in a child's life.

    ReplyDelete
  12. What a lovely celebration for the graduates and what creativity in naming the dishes. I have long given up on organized religion. I journal and pray every morning but I found too much prejudice and meanness in the church. I'm no angel but I'm pretty sure Jesus did not envision the hatred and division that is now our reality. You are not alone but it's a shame that anyone is driven away from the church by those who are not following in Jesus's footsteps.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you so much for stopping by to visit! I love your comments and suggestions and read them all. Due to spam, I will now have to approve all comments.

Miss Merry